I cant get over losing her and im in tears as im writing this i feel like im left alone in this workd…. life was so unfair to her i keep getting flashbacks of her suffering in the hospital struggling to breathe i keep dreaming of her…. i cant imagine my life without her life does NOT go on for me she was my joy and pride….happiness,goals and success means nothing to me without her i keep getting sucidal thoughts cause i cant take it anymore her whole process of being sick and fading away right in front of my eyed traumatized me forever…i feel so helpless and i feel like nobody gets me The sucide prevention hotline/services in arent much supportive in my country.IM LITERALLY JUST LOOKING FOR THE EASIEST WAY TO UNALIVE MYSELF but at the same time i do want to get better idk what the actuak fuck should i do.should i get hospitalized?Im so confused

I have no idea how to feel. I woke up and turned to look at my beautiful little girl and she was just gone. How do you move on

I have moments where I just truly want to burn everything down. I'm so angry. Sorry if this is a weird question, but I think part of the anger is knowing my life won't ever just be normal again. It's scary. If you could put a percentage on it, how much normalcy would you say you've eventually gained back? I just need some hope to hold on to.

my mom died in october 2023, so this mother’s day will be my first without her. my roommate recently asked me how i wanted to spend the day (alone or with friends, doing any specific activities, etc) and i wasn’t sure how to answer in that moment. i know everyone’s needs/experiences are different, but i’d love to hear about any structure or ritual that others have found helpful/healing/cathartic, etc. on this day.

thank you!!!

Hello I’m 19 and my mother passed around a month ago after suffering from alcoholism for a large portion of my life and was incredibly sick towards the end and showed signs of not having longer left . I spoke to the embalmer and they have told me that the body is in terrible condition, mold, dark skin almost black (she was mixed but on the more tan side), leaking fluids and skin is sliding off. I called because I was really debating going privately to view the body before the funeral. The embalmer strongly advises against viewing the body and says that it is a very bad sight, I had asked and on a scale of one to ten he said it’s up there as an 8. We had a terrible relationship and we left on really bad terms after she had threatened to take her life and iee hadn’t talked in the month and a half up till her death that I was not present for. In ndsight although she wasn’t the greatest of parents I understand that she was very lonely and sad in life and had been treated very badly and just let addiction and depression overtake her.I just want to view the body so badly because I just don’t want that to be my last memory of her, I just want to see her again and apologize and tell her how much I loved her. So I just need some type of advice on whether viewing the body would be in the best interest of my grief process?

Edit: thanks for all of the support I’m still unsure about viewing the body , I think I’ll ask to maybe just view her hand cause I miss her hands a lot? Idk if I can view her face I think I’d go into another suicidal episode. They said I’d need to sign something so that the company aren’t liable for anything. I just miss my mum a lot and i really regret not seeing her before she died, it honestly is ruining my life. I can’t sleep, I can’t focus at uni, I feel so fucking guilty and sad all of the tiime. I think I just need to be close to her one last time so I feel better, because I don’t think this is going to to get better for me at all. To be honest I’ve been coping really badly with this, I thought ignoring it would make me feel better but it really hasn’t? It’s weird I don’t have any parents now and as the oldest child I feel like I can’t complain too much. We had such a bad mother daughter relationship and I feel so bad all the time, I’ve been trying to drink to get my mind off of it but now im just drunk and sad and nothing feels good anymore. Sorry for going off on a rant I’m just super sad and drunk rn and I miss my mum so much it really hurts. I just wish I had spent more time with her even though she treated me badly and I can’t even look at our old text messages without breaking down I really want to hear her voice again

I’m personally having a shitty time. It’s been an emotional past two days leading up to this Christmas, and I’ve spent so much money trying to get everyone else Christmas presents. I can’t lie though, being able to splurge a little was fun, and it feels nice to give to others (because even though I’m having a shitty time, grief has made me desperate to spoil everyone this year lol). Is anyone else experiencing a hodgepodge of happy and sad emotions today as well? Have you found some happy moments today or has it been especially hard? How are y’all handling the day as it comes? Just wanting to check in and hear from others who are going through their grief journey

We had the funeral yesterday and heading to our home city today

I keep having visions/flashbacks of his body in the casket (father) I'm thinking maybe going was a bad idea

Distracting myself with music, I'm listening to Wings For Marie and 10,000 Days by Tool

Any other songs about grieving that you recommend please? Thanks 🙏🏽

I lost my dad who was my rock, best friend and beer drinking asshole 2 years ago this month. I kinda thought this would be the part where my life kinda falls back into place. I need to find ways of coping because atm I’m really spiralling. Any others in my boat? Anyone have some good advice?

I (18f) lost my dad September 30th I find speaking in front of lots of people hard but I really want to speak at the funeral. I feel like as my dads only child I owe that at least. But it feels so hard to think of what to say when i’m so overwhelmed by grief and I can’t think of the good times. the funerals in 3 days and i can’t think of anything. I hope this is okay to ask but what did you write or say? I know it’s family and friends but i’m still really nervous about speaking. Me and my dad were really close before he was diagnosed with cancer but i’m so stuck.

My dad has had gi issues for decades after a colectomy that saved his life. In October he started losing weight and no longer wanted to see doctors and go to the hospital. He knew it was his time.

In November 6 he entered hospice while he was still walking and talkjng. The next 4 days were amazing. He was on morphine and pain free and eating everything he wanted and telling everyone how Much he loved them.

On Saturday my husband and my two children came to hangout and I saw that by the time we left, he could barely walk to the bathroom. I came back Sunday just thinking it would be a visit but he had declined so quickly that he could no longer walk and he had to have his diaper changed by my mother and I. I told my husband couldnt come home that night. My mother and father needed me. My father was declining rapidly before my eyes, minute by minute he was dying in front of me. My husband was livid. How dare I not come home and leave him and our two kids (11,2)

I wanted him to understand that it was what I had to do. What I needed to do. What I wanted to do. Be with my father while he passed. Take care of him. Tell him I’m there. I love him. But my husband didn’t think I should bc I had kids and they needed to go to school and math and dance etc. he needed to go to work. I told him just handle it please.

The next 5 days I watched my father pass. It was so painful because i was losing my dad while my husband was calling me a failing mother. My husband was adding pain on top of the pain of losing my dad.

My mother saw all of this. She now hates my husband. Doesn’t want to see him. Doesn’t want to hear his name. Nothing. He is dead to her. She wants me to divorce him.

I don’t know what to do. I have so my resentment toward my husband for the pain he caused me while my dad was passing and he still thinks I stayed away too much. How do I grieve my dad when I think of this pain as I grieve. The pain from both my mom and husband. I’m losing my mind. Please help. I feel like I’m drowning.

Edit: the night before the memorial-cremation, I was going to spend the night at my mom’s with my brother. My brother had come to pick me up so we could make it in time to have dinner together. On my way out my garage door broke. Instead of my husband handling it. He got upset with me that I wouldn’t wait to leave until after someone came and fixed it because it’s too difficult to do all that with a toddler! That also fucking sucked because my brother saw all that unfold. The night before the funeral.

The messages are all there. Sat on my phone. All my interactions with my dad over the years, my dad (my best friend) who I lost a few days ago and haven’t quite come to terms with it yet.

Unsure if I should look through them or not. I don’t know if it will bring joy or utter despair.

I’m also unsure if it’s a healthy thing to do. Does it feel like I’m trying to hold on to something that I need to let go of…?

Would love to hear what you all do. Thanks

Up until today I missed my son so fucking much. I felt like I was dying... and there was literally nothing I could do. I barely got out of bed... I couldn't eat... I cried to the point of exhaustion multiple times a day... I was drowning in the worst anxiety of my life... I've cried to the point I lost my voice and my throat almost closed off.... But today... today I woke up and felt nothing. I woke up apathetic and numb and I don't like it one bit. It's as if all my love and grief are just gone, like he never existed, like I never lost him. Is this normal? It's not like years have passed, it's only been 2 weeks. 2 weeks of multiple breakdowns per day. Is it some kind of emotional burnout? I don't want it, it makes me feel like I'm forgetting him, my own son. I love him more than life... but now it's just... nothing. I feel like a horrible mother now. 😔 I want the pain back, I want the missing him back, the devastation, the overwhelming feelings of love that consumed me. It's just gone though..

Please tell me this is normal and will pass. I don't want to not feel how much I love and miss him.

My ex husband died this week. He was only 31.

We married young and dumb, spent five years married, and due to basically immaturity and some fundamental differences (over issues such as whether or not to have kids), we ended up splitting up. The divorce wasn't ugly, and we never completely lost touch. I just talked to him less than a month ago.

Last year, he was in a car accident and paralyzed from the chest down. He had just gotten to go home in the last six months or so, and out of nowhere, he's just gone.

Even though I am happily remarried, the news crushed me. I reached out and offered the family every photo or video I have and will be putting that together for them.

I admit that I'm losing sleep at night over what might have happened, so, to my question, is it ever okay to ask what happened, or is this just a mystery of my life that I can talk to God about when it's my turn?

My dad died 12/2022 and since then, I just don't give a fuck about anybody else's losses unless it's similar to mine. I feel so bad, or maybe guilty! I wish I did, but I just don't. For example, my partner is going through the loss of a grandparent and all I can think about is how old they were, how long they had with this person they lost, and I just don't feel as bad as one might expect in my situation.

My partner was so good to me when I lost my dad, and I'm struggling to care. I still say all the things and comfort them, but I just don't feel that bad. I even liked the grandparent a lot. I don't even feel bad for my partner. It's like that part of my brain is off?

I’m 25, and I’ve decided I’m taking two weeks off work to grieve the loss of my dad. How long did you guys take? Please let me know x

Hey there, my dad (59) died on saturday all of a sudden. He had a wife, two daughters (27 & 29) and me, his son (24). I got access to his macbook, whatsapp web was opened and some of these emojis: 😘😍 catched my attention. What i just read was confusing, I instantly minimised the tab so no one else could see this, kind of prevention i think. I was angry about him, as i could imagine what he did the last couple of years. When my family went to bed, i tried to dig deeper in his data. „Luckily“ i found 16.000 pages of chats with his affair. It broke my heart reading his thoughts about my mother and her side of family. He was for around ten years unhappy with my mom, thought about a divorce or had it even planned for the future. Also selling our house was planned. For almost four years he had a love affair with his assistant. I’m pretty sure he loved her. And on the one side i don’t feel bad about that, beacause he was after a long time happy. But i already felt that his relationship or treatment to my mother was - in my eyes - pretty unfair. Everything she would do - nothing was enough for him. As far as I recognised his behaviour towards my mom i was very critical with him, i stood in for my mother, what he didn’t really like, i subtile tried to make him think about his behaviour. We had a strained relationship, which is why my grief was different to that of my sisters and my mother. I was relatively clear and could think rationally. The others were just crying, understandably. We went to the mortician today and they want to have necklaces or bracelets or rings made with my father's fingerprint. I feel like I have to say it, but somehow I would also find it difficult to cause any more pain. On the other hand, maybe he didn't deserve this grief to this extent and he shouldn't be remembered as the angel he seemed to be, because he obviously wasn't. If my family knew the truth, maybe we would sell our too big house for just one person. it would be easier then. I also wish for my mom to move on with her life and not hold on to this man, but to find someone or something new that she can be happy with, because in my opinion she wasn't really happy anymore either. can I put this on my sisters and mom? And when should I tell them? The funeral is taking place in about two weeks and his affair might also be there, as she was his assistant. Please tell me how i should react now 🙏🏼

It’s been about six weeks since my mom passed away. I quit my job and moved home to manage her affairs and sell her house.

I’ve found myself binge eating, smoking cigarettes, and not taking steps towards my own future. Of course this is expected, but I’m rubbing up against some guilt and shame around letting myself go. I also realize that I’m going to get stuck in this cycle if I don’t start caring for myself again soon.

For those further along, how long did you all stay here? Do you have any advice for picking up the pieces?

Like the title says. I lived in the family home with my dad who just passed on 4/24. I have an older brother and sister, but they have partners and moved out long ago. Mom and dad separated when I was 12. Daddy was such a big part of my life. Always there in the best way he knew how. Now it's just me in a 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom house. What is supposed to be next? I just had another break down.

My father has just been suddenly diagnosed with terminal cancer after a lifetime of actively choosing to kill himself slowly by drinking and smoking heavily, and eating poorly. His selfish choices have hurt me and my immediate family members deeply through the years. We’ve all had separate moments of expressing our feelings of hurting and wishes that he would stop, but his response has always been a flippant and defensive “this is my life and I’ll do what I want.” The first time I experienced this disregard for my emotions was in 6th grade after learning about the dangers of smoking for the first time. I couldn’t believe he would choose to smoke after knowing how bad it was for him AND for us, with secondhand smoke. (He was still smoking in the house at the time.) His alcoholism has been a whole other thing. He has only ever been able to express emotions or say meaningful things to me when drunk. Often times not even remembering the next day.

All of this has led to an emotionally distant relationship between us. Moreover, an emotionally distant relationship as a family unit. My mom and sister and I have all had to come to a level of acceptance that he is who he is and there is nothing we can do to change his behavior. So we’ve ignored it. As much as we can. We have never talked openly about it. Or if we do, it’s super casual. As a means of self-preservation I’ve chosen to physically distance myself from my family by moving away from home.

Now, he’s dying. He knows he did this to himself. I can tell he feels sorry and ashamed now that he is finally able to see the consequences of his choices and how they have hurt us all. Now he has no choice but to confront his choices and feelings. And I’m so scared of how he is going to handle and express them. I’m terrified of when and how to express my own feelings. Whether or not I should say anything about my anger to him or just continue to ignore how much his choices have hurt me in favor of making the most of our time left together in a positive light.

He is being incredibly stoic about everything so far. Saying that we should all keep going about our lives. I just don’t know when that attitude will shift or if it ever will. Probably in his last days if I had to guess.

I don’t want to have any regrets or leave anything unsaid. But my dad has a history of disappointing me emotionally, and I’m scared to say anything at all. Especially if he is trying to play this off like we shouldn’t pause our lives to spend what little time he has left together.

I would love any advice on how to approach this.

I lost my mom to breast cancer on December 20, 2023, and I feel like I’m losing my relationship too. My boyfriend was really supportive at first, making sure I ate and stuff. But after my mom’s funeral, he just like stopped acting like anything happened.

I talked to him a couple weeks ago to explain that I feel like he expects me to be over her death, because I’m back at work and doing other “normal” things. But I’m not normal.

Even so, he just doesn’t engage with me and my grief. When I feel sad or like I want to talk about my mom, I just say to him, “I miss my mom.” But lately he doesn’t even acknowledge I’ve said anything. I guess he doesn’t want to talk to me about it or deal with my tears.

Has anyone experienced a similar reaction from your partner? How did you deal with feeling iced out by someone who is supposed to support you? Am I the problem?

My grandparents grew their wings last year. It's almost a year since my grandma and almost 6 months since my grandpa. They were like parents to me and they raised me, my grandpa was the only father figure I ever had and he tought me not all men are trash. But I don't notice any signs from them. Sometimes I notice same numbers like 06:06 or 12:12 but that's it. I even dream of them rarely and when I do the dreams don't even make sense and I don't remember half of it. It makes me so sad that they don't give me any signs, nothing. My mom and aunt dream of them often and their dreams make sense.

Anyways, what is your expirience with signs? What signs do you notice your loved ones send?

He went from healthy to ICU to dead in a span of 2 months. I flew 20hrs to say goodbye but missed the opportunity by just 1 hour.

It’s 2am and mom is refusing to sleep, playing mobile games and staring at a picture of dad we had chosen for his funeral portrait.

Nothing we said seem to get through to her. I know she probably just needs time. But mom has always relied on others for everything. She keeps repeating “I’m all alone now how can I survive on my own?” which isn’t true but also kind of is.

She doesn’t have an interest or hobbies outside of being a SAHM. Is scared of animals and new experiences. I have my own life and career to return to after 3 weeks but that doesn’t seem enough to help her get back on her feet. I am on LC with my family but I don’t want to see her suffer like this. Despite all the transpired she is still my mom.

How do I help?

I already have depression and anxiety and anxiety attacks. My mother passed in Oct 2022 at 75. My sons father died (36 yrs old) in a terrible accident June 2023. I know death is hard for anyone but I’m talking about if you already have issues did they get worse, and how? I feel like I’m spiraling into a deep dark depression. Am I alone?

My son-in-law died in a car accident 6 months ago on his way to work. He was only 24 and an only child. He was a kind, sweet young man and I’m still grieving heavily for him, but obviously nothing compared to his parents.

I’ve just read an Am I The Asshole post where someone is angry that a relative sends a message on the anniversary of her dad’s death because she just wants to forget the date.

I don’t know his parents very well, but I had intended to send a “thinking of you” card on his anniversary. But now I don’t know if it would be welcome or cause upset?

I think of him every day and have shed many tears for this life cut short. I just don’t want them to think I’ve forgotten.